I cannot love this enough

Vouyeristic Society

Truth

Just this ....

Cinco

Happy Valentine’s Day
And happy fifth surgiversary to me!

I honestly do not have the energy to write much today but did not want this day to go by without recognizing for myself how far I have come in five years since my gastric bypass surgery five years ago today.
I specifically chose Valentine’s Day those five years ago so I would always remember it was a day I chose to love myself and do something about my health.
I am weighing in at about 195”ish”
That is 30lbs from where I want/should be and I do not feel that great about it.  That being said, I have a tremendous amount of stressors going on in my life right now and I am on a medication that is known for weight gain but has been completely necessary to add into my mental health regimen for the time being.  It is cold, I am tired, I sleep when I can and do not exercise.  Soooooooo not that I am giving myself excuses but for a chick that was almost 300lbs five years ago and have only gained 30 in five years ... give me a fucking break! LOL.
I WILL save you from all my crazy life anguish (will write on that soon)
But as the weather IS getting better I foresee me working in the yard more, going for walks more and generally having a better handle on my schedule and ultimately my diet.
While I do not indulge in a lot of junk, a huge issue of mine (which has always been) is just not eating or drinking at all.  And that plus not moving is a recipe for disaster.
So I have goals.
I just need more sunshine.
Hey, I bought a pair of legit sneakers for the first time in three years so really.
Here’s to more vitamin D, longer days, flowers blooming and long walks on the beach.
And perhaps a few lost pounds.
Thanks for sticking by my side.

Peace to you and yours always and in all ways
t

Winter Solstice Heart

THE WINTER SOLSTICE OCCURS ON THE DAY THAT WE ARE FURTHEST FROM THE SUN’S LIGHT. IT IS THE SHORTEST DAY AND THE LONGEST NIGHT OF THE YEAR. IN 2017 THE WINTER SOLSTICE WILL OCCUR AT 5:28 AM EST ON THURSDAY, DECEMBER 21 IN THE NORTHERN HEMISPHERE.

The primary intention of most winter solstice celebrations is to release the dark in favor of the light (the old in favor of the new) and to welcome back the light as each new day begins to grow longer and longer.

THE hardest time of the year for me is from November to March.  But when Winter Solstice arrives a small piece of hope renews within me no matter what state I am in.  I know that once I can get past this hump and past the holiday break, I often know I am strong enough to make it to another spring and summer.  Summer is when I thrive but Spring makes me happy because I love things blooming and popping up through all the fall leaves that fell the year before that I never had a chance to rake up.  Each year I feel like I am waging a war with myself and inner demons but also my family as well.  Two kiddos, both with their own mental illnesses ... It is a struggle to stay strong for everyone.

But I do ... because that it what I do.

I am never angry or bitter about it.  I get more sad and frustrated than anything else.

So Winter Solstice reminds me that all things come to an end, all things can become renewed and this too shall pass.

I will go outside before bed tonight and look for the gorgeous moon.

I will meditate before sleep tonight as I do every night.

I will thank the universe for having me here to see another season of growing for tonight is MY New Year.

Everyday from here on out becomes longer and longer and the night becomes shorter and shorter.

So my hope, patience and faith becomes longer as well and I toss away the garbage that sits within me this past year and start with a fresh new heart and mind and spirit.

I wish the same to you.

Those who I see often and those who I do not.

Those who are deep and close to my heart.

May your days be merry and bright 

And may all your days ahead of burdens be light

~t

Always and in all ways❤️

Remembering ...

This time of year is always hard because I always remember how blessed I was to have had something that made saying goodbye so hard ...

But ultimately ...

Fucking true story folks

And I have no more fucks to give 

Not a single one ...

And it is what it is.

~t

Which are YOU?

Who has been naughty

And who has been nice

Because Krampus comes out

In the snow and the ice

Those who have been nice

Need not to worry

Santa Claus will gift them toys

In a hurry

But those who have been greedy, selfish or unkind

Will be gutted and mauled

By Krampus from behind

So which will YOU be seen as?

Naughty or Nice

When wicked ol’ Krampus comes in the dead of the night?
~t