I have been dismissed in the worst way. I am passionate about the mental health of today’s youth. I was and always have been an extremely passionate person about advocating and educating for and of children with mental health and/or behavioral issues.
On a bright day in February, I was dismissed from my job as a Behavior management assistant with the North Kingstown School Department with no reason whatsoever and no warning. No verbal warnings, no inkling of something being wrong with my work ethic or performance and no complaints or warnings in my personnel file. On December 5th, I actually received an exemplary review and was thrilled to see I was making a difference in these kids’ lives.
This job was a demanding one. I was often called a “fucking bitch” to “go fuck myself” and disrespected on a daily basis. I was pushed, shoved, spit on, slammed doors on, screamed in my face and had the middle finger all shoved in my face numerous times. I had scissors thrown at me, pencils jabbed at me, and rammed with student’s bodies numerous times a week.
After five months I HAD to take time off due to a broken nose AND a sever concussion due to a student backwards head butting me after me trying to back out of a room.
I took only eight school days out and despite people saying I should have taken more time I went back because I knew my school was understaffed and my coworkers and students depend on me to be reliable and consistent. I was making meaningful and collaborative relationships with my coworkers as well on how to help the kids and set them up for success each day.
I showed up with a smile everyday ... a clean slate. Each kid there knew Mrs. Ward was there for THEM. I did not judge them or hold grudges. I did not dislike them because they called be a “fucking bitch” for the 16th time that day. I smiled and/or frowned and asked how I could help them feel better. How could I make their day better and how could I enhance their learning? These kids cared about me and I cared about them. Building a rapport with these kids takes time. I usually can do it faster than most because I struggle myself with a shitty childhood and I have two special need kiddos myself (now adults). I have been THROUGH it and I tell them. You can do all the things you can think of to push me away and I will STILL be here.
Then one day, without warning, something happened where I was forced to break that promise to them.
http://northkingstownschoolri.iqm2.com/Citizens/SplitView.aspx?Mode=Video&MeetingID=1357&Format=Agenda
It takes awhile for it to load. Just wait a bit and then go to about 27:00 min in.
That basically explains it all.
Why was I taken from these kids ... I still do not know.
I was dismissed.
I am a student of mental health. My life path is on the trajectory of making kids’ lives better. I have done ALL the things to make me feel better.
I grieved.
I did self-care.
I have looked for other jobs.
I have taken time to re-evaluate.
I have had the support of family and friends.
Nothing has worked.
This has caused me so much anguish that I cannot even begin to understand it.
I am hurt, overwhelmed, anxious, distraught and so very sad.
How can we help these kids who are hurting when adults who are stable, calm, loving, nurturing, intelligent and willing to work with them are taken away? These positions are not easy to fill. I am not saying I am perfect but I do honestly believe I was meant to work with these kids. I hear they still ask for me.
I never got to say goodbye. Or tell them that they meant so much to me. I literally just disappeared from their lives one Tuesday morning. What has happened in this world where we throw away strong, qualified people ...? And throw them away with no explanation or reason?
I have been through some serious things in my life and I have to say this may be in the top five.
When you KNOW you have done nothing but your very best and then are dismissed ... that is THE worst. Mental anguish. I cannot sleep. I cannot concentrate. I am having a hard time moving on. If I had done something wrong, I would have owned up to it. When you do your best ... then are dismissed like you are trash ... it hurts your heart. Like REALLY hurts your heart. You doubt
yourself, you doubt your passions, your path and your journey.
How am I going to get through this? I am not sure. Injustice is a hard thing to make right. When no one is willing to tell the truth and do what is right ... it is even harder. All I can do is hope something good will come of all this and that those kids know that I never meant to abandon them. It was never my choice.
Peace to you and yours my dear readers always and in all ways
t
