Thursday, December 31, 2015

New Year 2016

A New Year is upon us and the second half of 2015 sucked ass for me.
A time when a HUGE accomplishment was achieved in my life (working my ass off to get my Bachelors) ended up being clouded by heart break ... The heart break of my life.
I am left with a hole in my heart forever.
I am not healing as quickly as I have in the past or as quickly as I thought.
And I know now ... I will forever be a different person.
Maybe because I have become wiser, stronger ... Or I woke up.
Either way ... It's going to take a process of mourning that I am not quite used to.
And this time I walk it more alone than I have before.
I am exhausted from wondering why. Exhausted from trying to understand what I did.  Exhausted from trying to figure things out.
I have no bitterness in my heart.  I never did.  Only true confusion and unconditional love.
But I am finally letting the clouds of confusion disappear and lift from my heart.
Because I have to.  I owe it to those who want me to be here for them and be the best me I can be.

This year I look forward to sticking by my decisions.
Moving on from what was lost to me and raising my kids and strengthening my family.
Building new friendships in mid-life and bonding to those who were there for me all along but I never saw.  Those that patiently waited for me to reach out to them ... Who were standing among the shadows but never too far for when I needed them most.

I think I have felt enough heart ache in this past year and I am ready....
I am choosing to walk away.  I am too exhausted to try any longer.
I am ready ...

To have a great life.


Thursday, December 24, 2015

The 2015 Year in Review for The Wards!

SO ... if you are here you care to know more about what the Wards have been up to this year.
I have decided to phase Facebook out of my life for the most part.  It really is full of garbage and takes up too much of my time.  I enjoy blogging much more anyway and hope to keep this page updated so come back often friends!

So ... HAPPY HOLIDAYS!  Another year on the planet!
The Wards have been very busy this year.
Tony and I celebrated our 19th year married and 23 years together!
Hunter turned 18 this year and Hailey turned 15.

Hunter is a senior in high school.  He is still working in the vocational Marine Trades in school but the most exciting thing that happened this year is that through ORS (office of rehabilitation services) he was placed in a job with Simplex in Providence.  This was the first time this company has worked with ORS.  Hunter impressed them so much that they asked if he could stay!  He still continues to work there three days a week after school and hopefully will be offered a full time position once he graduates in June.  He also has gotten his permit and has been taking driving lessons offered by ORS.  He will take his road test in February.  We also had another amazing summer with Surfers Healing.
This summer he played flag football again with the Trudeau Tigers and Special Olympics and once again took home the gold.  He also did a 4.1 military style race with me called Boulder Dash.  His grades are decent and for the most part keeping his teenage fresh mouth in check! :)

Hailey is a Sophmore and will be making the decision of which school she will go to next year.  Her high school is converting to a junior high so she has a few options and decisions to make.  She is on the honor roll and still plays the clarinet.  Her band just had a winter concert and they did great!  She has played soccer and is now doing track.  We are proud of her for going out of her comfort zone and trying new things. Her anxiety and depression issues have been pretty successfully taken care of with awesome therapy and medication.  And we are thankful so much for this! She also did the Color Run this year with a few friends.  This year Hailey is in her tenth consecutive year as a Girl Scout.  In June of 2016 she will be bridging to Ambassador.  She remains focused in her studies and her art.  This year has been a good one for Hailey!

Tony is still working at Brown University.  He is an HVAC technician with them.  The big news this year for the big guy is that he was elected president of his union and is looking forward to making changes and working hard to make his union a strong one for the people.  He is a hard worker, a great husband and father.  He continues to be the rock in this family.

I FINALLY earned my Bachelors in Psychology from Rhode Island College.  It was a long hard road but I have finally done it.  I began working full time for the first time since the kids were born.  In September I was employed by the Providence Center.  I am a teachers assistant in the Providence Center High School.  It is a great stepping stone for getting my toes wet into the working world.  I honestly love it!  I could not have asked for a better first job after exiting college and stay at home motherhood.  I continue to do respite work for some pretty awesome families and love them all.  I still watch my little Saturday buddy for four years now.  I also still am a Thirty-One Senior consultant.  I believe it is FIVE years now.  WOW> www.mythirtyone.com/tward
(shameless plug)
This year was a bit of a struggle for me with my anxiety and depression but the doc and I are working on adjusting my meds.  Those of you who know the struggle ... know its real and sometimes it takes time.  This summer was a tough one for me.  Emotions were up and down.  The holidays give me mixed emotions but I am handling them.  Depression is an illness and it is a struggle every day.  I am certainly looking forward to 2016 and growing and learning more and more about what is truly important to me and my mental health.  I have a wonderful support system and am so thankful for that.

Angel and Bruno are still maniacs.  They turned seven this year.  We lost a few chickens here and there throughout the year to wild life.  We now have only four.

Our little beach house is still standing strong and we look forward to making a few changes in 2016.

Our family has been truly blessed with happiness and health this year.

To all my family, friends, followers, customers, readers .... I care about each and every one of you.
The variety of people I have in my life ... I am truly blessed and appreciate you all.
From my family to yours .... We wish you the warmest, happiest and most joyous of holiday season and a wonderful, healthy and prosperous New Year.

-t