It was the day I chose as the day I was deciding to love myself and do something about my health.
It took three years for my doc to talk me into having the surgery as he saw my health declining more and more over the years due to my weight. In September of 2012 I decided enough was enough and in Feburuary of 2013 I had done all the things I needed to do and was ready to get this done.
Three years seems just crazy to me. In the first six months I had lost 100lbs. In the next 3-6 months I had lost 20lbs. Then I had lost my max. My lowest was 148 lbs. I looked sick and unhealthy but as I said in my previous blog ... I knew my body knew what it was doing and slowly I started putting on some weight. I remained comfortable at 160-165 for almost a year and a half.
I am now 185.
I have 20lbs to lose.
I have begun analyzing my eating habits and trying to figure out where that 20lbs has come from.
I rejoined my TOPS group with a bunch of amazing ladies. (TOPS - Taking Off Pounds Sensibly)
I am starting to slowly add more exercise in my weekly life. I had looked back on my fitbit information (it was down for almost a year due to a lost charger) and saw that a year ago I was walking/jogging at least 3-4 times a week and over the past year have not done any of that.
Depression will kill ya. It literally HURT to go through a tough time of depression. All you want to do is sleep and do nothing.
Ending my college years was a huge accomplishment as well as a huge let down of emotions that are very hard to explain. While I was proud of myself for accomplishing a goal I set out to do ... it was also clouded with a terrible realization of some things in my life that would soon come to an end. So while it was the beginning of one thing ... it also ended up being the ending to another. My heart burst with pride for doing something I set out to do and could show my children that you CAN be a wife, mom, daughter, friend ...
my heart also was weighed down by sorrow to find out that certain things in life are not always as they seem and something that was a HUGE part of my life would end.
Happiness and sorrow.
Greatness and grief.
After graduation I applied for my masters at RIC and did not get accepted.
SOoooooo out into the working world I went.
AMAZINGLY difficult. After basically being a stay at home mom for 15 years ... I was facing the world in a whole new way.
I got a job and was now a "working mom". Entering with rose-colored glasses I soon learned how the other side of the world works.
It is hard to keep a smile and fresh attitude when you enter the working world with so many other personalities. A lot of people were "oh boy ... welcome to the real world" (see a previous post on THAT)
yup ... what I learned in the six months since working full time is this .... you find out quick what the world is ALL about.
Dealing with over a dozen personalities at one time is tough to navigate. Not that I have not done this before ... just not on a DAILY basis.
You find out quick that some people just don't want to be bothered, some people are genuinely sweet, some people are petty, some are interesting, some are kind, some are willing to teach and some are not, some are there for you and some are not.
Group dynamics are amazing! I studied a lot about this in school. Behavior and what makes people behave the way they do is something that I always had a passion for. Wow ... did I have my work cut out for me. Finding my place among a staff has proven much more difficult than I thought.
Grown ups are proving more difficult than I thought. LOL
I have taken it down a few notches and am less enthusiastic than I was in the beginning but still feel like I am a good worker and can be a good friend to anyone who asks. My rose colored glasses are less rosy but not dulled out by tough situations that have arisen.
I have learned a lot. Filed away a bunch of information that has allowed me to grow a bit and I feel I am a better person over all having experienced a few things.
Lesson learned.
As far as the bypass for those of you who are here for that ... I have learned if you were unhappy before and do not find out why ... You will be unhappy still after. The more unhappy you were before ... the more you will change after. I think people really need to analyze why they need/want the surgery. I feel like it has made my life healthier sure ... but also I have lost things due to the surgery. Mainly relationships. I have lost friendships.
I think my marriage is stronger. My relationship with my kids is stronger. I have made new friendships from having the surgery.
BUT I have also LOST friendships because of the surgery.
Think about your relationship with food cause that is going to change IMMENSELY! I have a hard time "enjoying" food anymore. And EVERYONE'S experience with weight loss surgery (WLS) is different. Not ONE SINGLE case is the same as another. This is what is most difficult and even though you hear it before WLS you don't really have it sink in until afterwards when you hear about people who cannot eat ice cream and you still can. Or how you cannot eat cereal like EVER ... but people after WLS have no issues. How it took you a year to gulp down water but some people can chug it three weeks later after surgery. You have to be willing to take the risk that you have NO IDEA what YOUR life will be like after surgery. You know for certain something has to be done for your health and you know surgery will put you on that path but while some people path is smooth ... yours may be rocky or vice versa. If you have control issues ... work on THAT before surgery. Because for a long time your BODY will be telling YOU what to do. It will be IN CONTROL. Your mind will want one thing and your body will want another. Mind hunger is the DEVIL. You will need a lot of support to get through it. Take advantage of people who want to help especially if any of those people have done WLS themselves.
Next posts will be about what I am eating these days and how the weight loss is going after three weeks.
As always ....
Be at peace. Love yourself. Love others.
Be kind.
~t
Below is my life ... the reason I live.
For my husband, my kids and my pups!
