I was thinking the other day.
MAN when I was "fat" I was one strong bitch!
No joke! I could bench press 245 for one at least (hmmmm I will have to double check that info as I AM getting old as well)
I was strong! Too bad I didn't do any deadlifts back then cause I would really be curious what I could lift. Currently I can deadlift only 205lbs.
I would whip air conditioners in and out of windows like no ones business, carry ALL the grocery bags in on one hand, move stuff up and down stairs like a champ and I felt strong.
As I have said in previous posts ... I was never "unhappy" per se with my weight. I was still energetic, a whackadoo and outgoing. I have always had a pretty strong self esteem and a healthy amount of self confidence. I did it ALL for health.
But I kinda miss my curves. I miss my boobs. Yes that's right I said it! I miss my strength most of all.
My boobs are like deflated balloons (thank god for good bras) and the skin hanging from the weight loss forces me to wear a spanx type tank top under EVERYTHING or it moves around and is uncomfortable. I also get rashes and sores.
I have gained about 15-20lbs that I need/want to get rid of but I have pretty much decided I am going for the skin removal surgery next year. And I may just throw in the boob lift/reconstruction just for shits and giggles to get all the pain over with. This will hopefully almost all be covered by medical and if now ... Hell, we will figure it out.
I am not doing it for vanity. I am tired of getting rashes and sores under my breasts and double stomach skin hang. I am tired of wearing this damn spanx thing AND a cami under everything I wear. I am scared to death as I hear that surgery is no joke but I have had the gastric bypass AND major back surgery. I am sure I will be fine.
I felt like Supergirl before.
I started lifting again but was pretty disappointed in myself. I don't feel nearly as strong as before. I know that after the gastric bypass muscle loss is huge. Protein is important but it is incredibly hard to get so much protein in when your belly is the size of an egg plus trying to stay hydrated, trying to stay up with your vitamins needed after surgery etc. I am stronger than I was when I started but feel discouraged sometimes when lifting. I don't have that "explosion" like I did when I was younger and yes .... Fatter. Maybe it is both. I am sure age is a huge factor as well.
They say muscle has memory ... I think mine have dementia.
But I have nine months before the skin removal so let's get this party started.
PEACE
~t
