Love affair? ... Denial ... (Isn't that a river in Africa?)

Overall I am super happy about choosing the surgery.  I tend to think my journey is fairly unique as food didn't have a grip over me.  I bet a lot of people say that and sometimes I sit and analyze "Am I just in denial?"  Most people will say well if you reached a point where you were obese ... that means food had a grip over you.  I actually do LOVE food but didn't like to EAT.  I usually only ate when I was hungry.  I had the occasional times where I was like HUNGRY but most of the time I was forgetting to eat.  I had stopped eating fast food about 2-3 years ago and before surgery it was over a year since I had eaten at McDonalds, Wendys or Burger King.  I had noticed the older I had gotten the more these foods did NOT agree with my system and went right through me and cause me serious gastric distress.  I would occasionally get a hard taco at Taco Bell (one of the fam's fav places to stop) but always preferred my own tacos.  We ordered pizza about once a week and I would have a few slices.  Maybe 3?  I was skipping meals, not being active and sleeping a lot.  I had issues with depression but a lot of my issues with that was about money and things I wanted and could not have to make things nicer for my family.  I also have a special needs son with Asperger's Disorder and that has a HUGE impact on how I feel as a mom and that gets me down a lot!  I always feel guilty and sad like I am not doing right by him.  When I became sad, I slept.  When I was happy, I gardened.  When I was depressed, I slept.  When I was celebrateing ... I would spend money I didn't have! LOL! ... I don't think it was ever about food.  

Skipping meals and just generally forgetting to eat and sleeping so much ...  I think THIS attributed a LOT to my weight gain over the years not necessarily food habits.  EATING habits were my issue.   I needed to eat MORE and make better choices but over all the choices for my family were not too bad.  So about a year ago I started making a LOT of changes and I got more serious about September when even making some changes things were not really changing.  I started making sure I always, always ate breakfast.  I made sure I did not skip meals.  I NEVER went back for seconds except for once a week I allowed myself to and one thing I wanted to eat that was a no-no.  I lost 25lbs. pretty quick.  Then I got the letter from the insurance company saying I was approved for surgery.
It was on now.  But that didn't mean I began to slip up.  I found this to be an opportunity to really determine whether I had a "love affair" with food.
I honestly don't think I did. 
This journey was never about being thin.  It was and is always bout being healthy.

I was actually not super unhappy about the way I felt or looked.  This may seem strange to some but I didn't have a lot of issues like I read or hear.
I could tie my shoes and paint my toe nails.  I could fit into a booth at a restaurant comfortably.  I could fit on a plane and in the theater seats.  I could bend, squat, jump and heaven forbid if I had to ... run!
I could garden, walk the dogs for miles, felt pretty damn good in a swimsuit.

I am writing this blog because you don't see many blogs saying that stuff.  I feel my story is different than the typical ones out there on this journey and I want to maybe have someone else feel like they are not the only ones.  Cause right now ... I feel like the only one.

I am SO happy for those who have had the surgery because they felt miserable in their skin AND had healthy problems!  I am SO inspired by them.  But I don't FEEL like I am/was like them.  
I am a super confident person.  I am pretty outgoing (except for my winter blues ugh!) most of the time and I like to think people think I am funny, honest, caring and giving.  I don't have issues with going out and doing things.  Sometimes I have issues with crowds but that has to so with some of my sensory issues like smell and just generally feeling closed in.  But if I am at an outside party ... LET ME LOOSE! LOL!

So I wonder if there are others who feel the same way I do?  I wonder how unique my journey really is?

Well anyway ... here are some of my recent pictures.  I should have taken the plaid shirt off so you could see more.  I think the biggest difference is in the side view.  I have never been a photogenic person ... I am SO much more gorgeous in real life! LOL!
  More will be posted this upcoming Thursday which will be my ONE MONTH surgiversary!

I love you all!
Kisses!