- "down the rabbit hole", a metaphor for adventure into the unknown
That's where I am headed ... Into the unknown.
It has been 20 years since I have been in the 100's on a scale! Say what?
I am wearing a pant size that I last wore in high school ... In 1992! Say
what again?
Yes ... It's hard to fathom really. When did it all go wrong?
I looked at a photo from high school the other day and my face is slowly starting to resemble that picture. I never felt pretty then. And never really felt pretty. But looking back, I was pretty damn it. I wish I had taken pride in myself. I was lucky to find the man who loves me unconditionally. We have been together for 21 years and married for 17 of them. He has always made me feel pretty. Last spring I was topping at about 120 pounds more than when he first met me. And he still loved me and never once said anything about my weight.
It's amazing that this time last spring I was 80lbs heavier. I went for the first ride of the season on the motorcycle last weekend. It was nice hopping on the back and not feeling like the bike was working hard! Lol! I had lots of room between my belly and Tony's back. I didn't feel like everyone was looking at me like I didn't belong on the back because I was too big. It was amazing and felt good.
Everything from this point on feels new. Like an adventure ... Down the rabbit hole. Into the unknown I go! I just grew out of my size 18pants and the 16s are fitting just fine. After the 16s I will be out of the clothes given to me by my friend. I now only have 48 lbs to lose to get to my goal weight. I am not sure how easy they will go. I know things start to slow down at some point. How small will I get? If I get smaller than a size 14 I will completely be in uncharted territory because I cannot ever, ever remember being smaller than that at any point in my adulthood. I think that may blow my mind if I hit a 12, 10 or below. That would just be nuts! I cannot imagine even putting my bones in that size! But I have seen pictures of people who were similar in size and weight get that small and it is amazing and apparently able to be achieved. I am excited to see what happens and continue to be excited about being healthy and learning what I can do with this tool I have been blessed with.
Sometimes when I walk by a mirror I have to stop and wonder who that chick is staring back at me.
I still see myself one way and the mirror shows me something else. I have had some people tell me recently how my face looks so different like a totally different person. I don't want people to think I am different though. I am still the same whackadoodle I always was! Lol!
That's why I started this blog. I want to be able to read my journey and write down the things I am feeling and the experiences I am having throughout this whole journey.
On Friday I am traveling to NYC with my daughters 7th grade class. I am not nervous about fitting comfortably on the bus. I am not worried about all the walking we are going to be doing. I am not concerned about her friends thinking I am a fat mom. I am not going to shy from taking pictures of me and my daughter on the trip! I am so excited and happy to be experiencing this with her and last year I am not sure I would have been.
So here's to going down the rabbit hole ... And taking you along with me!
See you there!
Peace
-T
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