Ok here is my disclaimer *back away from this blog if you are a friend or family member and the thought of me and my husband having sex is disturbing to you ... But ya know we did have it at least twice ... That's kinda where kids come from! Lol*. I only talk about basic stuff here.
You still here? Oh brother!
No one talks about sex after surgery. Why?
There is plenty of information about when you should have sex after surgery but nothing about people's experiences with sex after surgery. There is information about transference addictions like from food to sex ... But nothing about us normal everyday married people who have had the surgery and what their love life is like afterwards in the bedroom. I wonder why? Kinda makes you think something is up with that?
Well there isn't. Speaking of... did you know you can burn 10 calories for every 10 minutes of kissing. (I personally hate kissing but you may like it!). Sex three times a week burns between 7,500-15,000 calories per year. This is the kind of math I like.
Getting ready and mentally preparing myself for surgery took a lot of time and effort. So the hubby and I didn't have sex like four weeks prior to surgery. Plus my period has been wacky since I started dropping weight back in December. We don't have to worry about babies anymore as hubby had a vasectomy back in 2007 "ish".
So when I left the hospital and the instructions said no sex for like four weeks he looked at me with raised eyebrow! Lol! OMG! That would be like eight weeks with no sex for him! How will he survive! I saw his face and assured him it would not be that long.
The hub and I have always had a nice healthy love life! Hey I am not bragging (ok maybe just a little) but we get along quite nicely in that department. I believe in "wifely duties" lol! And I keep my man happy even when I don't feel like it and I am sure the opposite is true! Hell! who am I kidding ... Men ALWAYS want sex! Lol! But there have been times when I have been through periods of depression where things slow down a bit. And he is a super patient and understanding guy. I don't think we have ever gone past like eight weeks though. I mean life just gets in the way sometimes.
But anyway.... One week post op ... Yup! We had a go at it. I was nervous but all was fine. The difference I noticed was that I was just generally worried about hurting myself. But that feeling went away like two seconds in!
But the next week or so I actually started noticing a difference in my body. Then I had some bleeding (fake period sort of) and I lost more weight. Then the week after I started noticing that my inner thighs were really starting to look baggy. Like BAGGY! Apparently I tend to lose weight there quickly. So I was starting to feel embarrassed. I was never really comfortable in my skin... Not because I was fat ... I think just because I was kind of a modest and shy person in the whole love and sex department. I didn't have lots of boyfriends or any real sexual relations before the hub so I always felt kind of inexperienced and weird. I only started openly passing gas in front of him like five years ago (12 years into our marriage! Lol!) and thank goodness cause after bypass ya gotta let those babies rip!
Anyway, when I met the hub I was 164lbs. I had gained over 120 lbs since our meeting more than 20 years ago. Hubby had legitimate concerns with his half-serious question of "When you lose all this weight are you gonna wanna take off and get wild!" I know this is a concern of a lot of people. I know lots of stories of people who lose the weight and become wild and love the attention they are getting now and end up in divorce. But if you really look back on their relationships/marriages BEFORE the bypass surgery can you say they were happy? Can THEY say they were happy? Me and the big guy have been with one another for 20+ years now. He knew me when I was 164lbs. I had gained a whole PERSON (albeit a small person, but still). His weight may have fluctuated 20-30 lbs up and down over the years. Hmmmmm .... Wouldn't I be more worried that he should have left ME by now? Although even at 164lbs I was no small girl. So I know he kinda likes thickness. But I still had to assure him that my personality would not change.
I am a crazy person. I am confident, out-going, funny, sorta spontaneous (although over the years have become less over the years just due to kids and life in general. I have never let my weight stop me from being pretty much the person I wanted to be. The main restriction was I never got to dress the way I would have liked to show off my personality but I am looking forward to THAT part of my journey in the future I will tell you that!
So last week we were at it again. Lol! I felt kinda weird this time cause now I feel my body is really changing. I went down a whole bra size (and my guy likes boobs!) they feel weird and not firm. I have always had a big bust. At a size 14 and 164 lbs I had a 38D so hey nothing too shabby. I never thought of myself having "fat" boobs and I am pretty convinced that my boobs will never go below a C cup. Which is cool with me. But the feel and shape of my boobs just feel different. They have always been firm"ish" even after nursing my daughter for 12 months. They never went up or down during that whole experience of nursing. I never had perky boobs but now I just have saggy boobs. When I grab them they feel different so they must feel different to him. My skin felt different when he touched me. It felt kinda squishy and this bothered me. I asked if it bothered him and he said no but ya know ... How could it not? Maybe I am just being hyper-sensitive but just four weeks out ... I DO notice a difference.
Now flexibility -wise there is a difference as well! I was a pretty flexible girl even at my heaviest but what I have noticed this LAST time during love making I noticed less tension on my joints and less muscle strain getting into the positions we have come to enjoy. Yay us! Lol!
I guess what my biggest concern is ... Anyone can look good with clothes on. There are push up bras, water bras etc. there are spanks to keep the skin in etc. but when the clothes come off ... I wanna like what I see. And of course, I knew this going in. I am no spring chicken and my skin has not done well with just my two pregnancies so I know I don't have the best genes and/or elasticity for my skin to just bounce back. I am going to try to do all I can to help it along. Water is important I know. And exercise of course but I may just come to a point where nothing will work but surgery and I am not sure I want to or can afford to take that route. I hate pain and I hear the reconstructive surgery after weight loss is pretty FN painful! But we will see. I mean all the exercise in the world will not make my boobs look better. I dunno. I know it is soooo early in my journey and these changes will happen. Over time I will post about it and let ya know. Every month I take pics with just a bra and underwear. Yea ... No one sees those! No one but me and the big guy. I want to keep a record of how my skin behaves over the weight loss as well. I think it's important. And ya know what maybe when I hit my goal I will post them depending. I mean I want people to really, really know what MAY come out of losing such weight so rapidly.
So wrapping it up I guess I want people to know that you may see some pretty fair amount of body change quickly. If you had any issues with the love department before surgery you may want to sit down with your partner and discuss the changes that will take place. Many experience a heightened libido because of less stress on joints and muscles, more energy and basic feeling of more confidence. But some may not like the changes in skin, how their body is changing and worries that their partner may not like it either. Don't keep those worries in. Talk with your lovey and be open. That way it can never be said that you didn't let them know how you were feeling. And if there were other problems in your relationship before surgery ... Getting the surgery is not going to make it better. Get some counseling, talk to your mate and let them know that you are taking this journey to be healthy and you are counting on them to take the ride with you. If you are taking the journey to be healthy I think it should be in all aspects in your life. Makes sense right?
Just my two cents ...and a half!
Love
T
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