Jedi Level

“I don’t want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” ~ Oscar Wilde

An overwhelming majority of the bad decisions I’ve made in my life were impulsive. These bad decisions or mistakes weren’t errors of faulty logic or useless reflection. They were avoidable mistakes in moments when I was unwilling or unable to manage strong negative or positive emotions.

I have a mantra that I use that comes from my weight lose support group, TOPS (Take Off Pounds Sensibly) 

It goes like this:

"I will control my emotions and not let my emotions control me"

Wow, that is a powerful statement! 

I want to master my emotions. I want to use them appropriately and while a lot of this comes naturally as we mature ... I kind of want to speed up the process.  I am also impatient which is making things more difficult.  I KNOW I am capable.  

Life is an amazing evolution of stages.  We have specific times in our life ... infancy, childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, middle age and elderly.

We do not know what life has in store for us and depending on your own personal belief system, you are, to a degree, able to control what and how things happen.  

It is all about choices. 

Choices involve emotion.  Emotions involve feelings.

And feelings are messy.

Feelings can be like ..... mess your life up messy! 

But do they have to be? 

I go through stages of "I care too much and think to much about past decisions and their repercussions and my daily mood is controlled by it" and "I just have no fucks to give"

I feel like there is no happy medium.  I am making a promise to myself that "I WILL control my emotions and NOT let my emotions control me" 

I need to find that happy medium.

Here are some I don't care statements that I have come up with as a way to release some things that are controlling my life right now.

• I don’t care what people think of me (there opinions are none of my business)
• I don’t care what other’s expect of me (I’m doing my best!)
• I don’t care that people think I am too sensitive (it's a gift AND a curse and I am working on it!)
• I don’t care if someone doesn't see from my perspective ... not my issue
• I don’t care that people do malicious things to get me riled up
• I don’t care…. That I don't care

Those who will love and respect you enough to let you be will remain in your life and those who will not be able to bear not being able to manipulate you anymore will leave. And if they do not leave peacefully ... that is not your problem, it is theirs. 

I am sure this journey will not be easy.  I have this mind that races all the time about decisions I have made and this damn heart that cares too much almost ALL of the time but just like learning anything else I am sure if I train, work hard and stay consistent and stay the course, I will be an avid student in taking control of my emotions. 

I want to be like Jedi level.  

May the force be with me.