A time when a HUGE accomplishment was achieved in my life (working my ass off to get my Bachelors) ended up being clouded by heart break ... The heart break of my life.
I am left with a hole in my heart forever.
I am not healing as quickly as I have in the past or as quickly as I thought.
And I know now ... I will forever be a different person.
Maybe because I have become wiser, stronger ... Or I woke up.
Either way ... It's going to take a process of mourning that I am not quite used to.
And this time I walk it more alone than I have before.
I am exhausted from wondering why. Exhausted from trying to understand what I did. Exhausted from trying to figure things out.
I have no bitterness in my heart. I never did. Only true confusion and unconditional love.
But I am finally letting the clouds of confusion disappear and lift from my heart.
Because I have to. I owe it to those who want me to be here for them and be the best me I can be.
This year I look forward to sticking by my decisions.
Moving on from what was lost to me and raising my kids and strengthening my family.
Building new friendships in mid-life and bonding to those who were there for me all along but I never saw. Those that patiently waited for me to reach out to them ... Who were standing among the shadows but never too far for when I needed them most.
I think I have felt enough heart ache in this past year and I am ready....
I am choosing to walk away. I am too exhausted to try any longer.
I am ready ...
To have a great life.
Oh, Tami...I am so sorry that you weren't able to truly celebrate your huge accomplishment! You were/are my inspiration for continuing on with mine and not quitting...you are an amazing women and i am proud to call you a friend!
ReplyDeleteThanks girl! U made my heart smile! I know you can do it!
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