Noooooo way! Yes way!

I love July!  As I said in my last post .... I like to celebrate all month.  July is my bday month and it just signifies summer to me.  I am a Thirty-One consultant (shameless plug here: www.mythirtyone.com/tward) and I have been to conference for two years.  The first year was great! It was in Ohio.  Last year they moved it to Atlanta GA.  Last year was tough.  I didn't let on to anyone at all how uncomfortable I was.  I literally was at my largest last summer.  I had a hard time on the plane, a hard time on the busses and generally just uncomfortable everywhere.  So I was looking back at my pictures from those two years.  Even though I was uncomfortable I still felt pretty and of course have my crazy sparkling personality.
Looking at those pictures.... And ESP putting the, side by side ... I feel embarrassed.  I actually don't want to feel this way but I do.  What happened?  Where did I lose my health?  Why didn't I see how my body was changing?  I can blame it on all kinds of things.  But I won't.  I won't blame it on being lazy cause I wasn't.  I dunno what happened.
I showed the kids a picture of me from JUST last year and they were like "Noooooo way!" That's not you!  Oh way baby ... It WAS me.  I spent all of my twenties and almost all of my thirties ... NOT what I wanted to be.
Don't get me wrong ... I am an awesome wife, a damn good mom and a hard worker.  I am always on the go and I am SO proud of what the huz and I have created together. But physically ...
In my head ... I always looked like I do now.  (Maybe 25lbs less). When I saw myself in my dreams I looked exactly like I do now.  Maybe I really thought I looked that way?  I dunno?
The way I am now physically is the smallest my children has ever seen me.  Why don't they remember the way I looked last year 100+ lbs heavier?  Should I take it as a compliment that people never really SAW my size.  Can I flatter myself and think that my awesome personality made them overlook that?  Hmmmmm?  I maybe think too much.  The weird thing now is when I look at myself in the mirror the image I see is not the image in my head.  I still feel like the big girl I was last year!  When did that whole thing reverse?  Anyway here are some recent pics of me.  First the comparison picture and then a cute one of me the other morning.  My face has NEVER been this thin ... Not even in high school.  It's just weird!

Grrrr....

I have been feeling cranky for the past few hours.
I want something nice and sweet.  I didn't want to post on the WLS group pages because to be honest I don't want to hear how I should go have a glass of water, a suggestion on how to make something for myself that SEEMS like a treat, go do seventy sit ups or reward myself with something non food related.
I just want some good old fashioned ice cream!
I usually get fudgicles but have been out the past few days,  maybe this is why I am cranky cause I usually have one a day.
But still, part of me just wants some FN yummy ice cream.  I have not really tried legit ice cream since surgery.
I don't want ice cream or something sweet cause I am sad, depressed, happy, bored or whatever.  I just MISS the taste of something sweet and yummy.
I want it because I want it.
Because ice cream has always been a favorite food of mine and I like the texture in my mouth.  And its summer and what's better than ice cream in summer.
But part of me also mourns the fact that even if I do eat it ... It is not the same.  Maybe it never will be and that kind of makes me sad.  Like I said in my last post ... Most of the time eating is really not too enjoyable any more.  I get stressed sometimes always wondering if something I eat will cause me to be ill.  Hardly ever do I eat something and it sits really well ...normal... In my stomach.
And like I said ...NO REGRETS HERE ...just a wee little sadness that things may never get back to the point where I feel like I can eat normally.
Tomorrow I am going shopping for some fudgicles!  I hear they are on sale this week!
Peace and love,
-t

What do my wondering eyes do appear ....

I am a bad blogger!  Bad girl! *slaps own hand*
Summer is my absolute favorite season!  July is my favorite month!  It is my birthday month and I like to celebrate all month!  Lol!  My daughters bday is this month too!  My sons Bday is in August so I love August too!  I love everything about summer.  I love the warm sun on my body, working in the gardens, growing some veggies, watching the bees do their thing, swimming in the pool and lighting a nice fire on the nights when they are cool!  I love the smells of summer.  Iced tea, iced coffee, freshly mowed grass, chlorine and sparkling water from the pool!  I am a summer baby through and through!  I am especially enjoying this summer with a new body and some really cool side effects from surgery!  On July 14th, the day after my bday, I will be five months post RNY.  After having surgery I realized losing all the weight ... I was freezing my damn ass off!!  Feb, March and April were rough.  I didn't start to thaw it until about May ...June"ish"!  Now, full throttle in July and amidst a nice little heat wave .... I AM IN MY GLORIES!  One of the lovely side effects (these are all my personal side effects ... Some experience them ..some don't)  turned into a blessing!  I am hardly ever hot!  The freezing I experienced in the beginning has also kept me surprisingly cool so far as well!  Also ... I hardly sweat anymore.  (I was such a sweater pre-op) since I don't sweat ....I don't smell.  Yea yea ...TMI...   But as a big girl I mean hey ... I had areas that just smelled.  I mean ...under my breasts, my belly the back of my knees when I was dripping sweat and ya know ...that area.  I have like NO MORE. Odor.  It is weird.  Real weird ....BUT PRETTY FRIGGIN AWESOME!  At first I thought it was a fluke thing ...but as the weeks went by and it got hotter and hotter ... Still ...no smells.  My pits don't smell!  Yay!  It is pretty amazing!  Not sure what has happened to my body chemistry but I will take it!  I am sure it has to do a LOT with eating lean and clean.  I would say that has a lot to do with it!  I am pretty proud how hard I have been working.  I think about everything I put in my body.  I examine it, scrutinize it and determine its real need.  Is it time to eat?  Am I eating because I am actually hungry?  I didn't really have a problem with bored eating.  But my food choices were not always the best.  I have said that I think about food now more then I EVER did before surgery.  I know that seems kinda backwards but now I don't just put random shit into my body.  I make sure what's gonna go in there is not only going to fuel my body but also give me what I need to be healthy.  I also don't do any artificial crap.  No margarine, no sugar substitute ...no fat free shit.  I do the raw natural sugar, real butter and real sour cream, crea, milk, dressings, etc.

But I gotta be brutally honest here cause it needs to be said.  I do NOT enjoy eating like I used to.  I still get excited to eat things, prepare them, love the smell, and the taste in my mouth but when it hits the belly ....it's not always good.  I would say eight out of ten times something hits my stomach ...it is uncomfortable.  Not in a painful way but not in a nice "aahhhhhh ...that yummy food just hit my belly and it feels good" kind of feeling I had pre-surgery.  I think this is what a lot of people are actually mourning after surgery.  There is no real enjoyment in eating for me anymore.  I can handle it though.  Sometimes it gets to me but more often than not I am fine with it.  I never deprive myself of anything.   Minus soda (or anything carbonated) I basically eat whatever I want ...whenever I want it.  The other day I wanted a dough boy.  I had a bite, tasted it in my mouth, chewed it and was satisfied with that.  I got the urge NOT to swallow it and spit the doughy goodness out.  This seems kinda gross but sometimes I find myself doing this.  I just wanted the actuall taste in my mouth ... But the thought of that gooey ball of dough in my wee pouch kinda grossed me out.  So I spit it out and surprisingly was content with having had that bite.

Sometimes I feel so blessed with having had this surgery. I have thought several times that this is the way my anatomy "should" have been cause it fits into my lifestyle more.  This is the way I truly feel comfortable eating and doing things.  I am on a nice schedule and I am loving it.

Part of me keeps waiting for something to happen.  Like it is too good to be true.  Don't get me wrong, I do have bad days but there are no regrets at all other than why I didn't do it sooner.

All the female issues I was having seemed to have worked themselves out as well.  I went in and had a D&C and the Endometrial Ablation.  Minimal issues with that as well.  Didn't even need to get the pain med script filled.  I am looking forward to the real possibility of being period-free.

It has been a pretty amazing journey so far and I am super happy!  I find myself smiling more, letting more things roll off my back and generally taking in more of the sights.

Dr. Roye said my bloodwork was AMAZING!  The scale continues to go down everyday but more importantly my body thanks me everyday by waking up everyday and feeling amazing.  A lot of. My chronic pain has gone away as well.  All the feet, ankle, lower back and pelvic pain is pretty non-existent now.  

The only thing I really have to work on now is the whole exercise regimen thing.  I FN hate exercising and going to the gym is just not happening.  I have to be honest with myself.  But I know I have to get motivated soon to get more actual finess in.  It is a work in progress.

Thanks for reading and be happy!

Peace and love!

~Tami

Just a quickie!

Just wanted to come on and post a pic of a special moment.  Last year I was at my highest weight ever in my life!  Even more then when I was 9months prego (174)

Last spring 2012 I weighed 278 ... A few days ago I weighed 178! 

I wanted a picture cause sometimes I cannot believe it!

I am a lazy blogger and promise to write a very long blog soon about what's been going on in my nutty world!

For now ... Here's the big moment caught on camera!

Wretched wreck! **warning ...lots of girl talk!-**

So I am here at work ... Watching Golden Girls.
This morning at 8:45 I go and find out what the deal is with this whole female issue I have been having.  I started losing weight last year after I knew I was approved for surgery.  I lost about 25lbs before surgery.  I started having issues with my period during that time.  I had been bleeding about twice a month.  One of the times was for like 10 days straight, heavy bleeding.  I was worried that I would have my period on the day of surgery but the day before my bleeding stopped.  About a week after surgery it resumed and has been basically been going ever since.  I have had maybe a handful of times here and there with no bleeding.  What a downer!  So last month ... Enough was enough and I made an appointment with my midwife.  She said we would do a pap, HPV and some other test thingy that tested for bacteria and stuff.  The pap came back abnormal but the HPV was negative and the other one was negative.  But that was now two years in a row that the pap came back abnormal.  She said my cervix was EXTREMELY sensitive and started bleeding just by touching it with the swab.  She asked if I was in any pain.  I told her I was not.  And I really wasn't.  She was suspicious of polyps or fibroids and told me to go for a pelvic ultrasound and got me right in then and there.  They saw something in there they didn't like and I was to come back for a more involved test called a

Hysterosonography- During hysterosonography (his-tur-o-suh-NOG-ruh-fee), your doctor uses a thin, flexible tube (catheter) to inject salt water (saline) into the hollow part of your uterus. Using an ultrasound probe, your doctor obtains images of the inside of your uterus and checks for any irregularities.

Yay!  Sounds fun huh?

Then they use a

Hysteroscopy-During hysteroscopy, your doctor uses a thin, lighted instrument (hysteroscope) to view the inside of your uterus.

Come to find out it was/is a polyp about the size of a marble (the big one).

So while there, already uncomfortable, she is like "hey... Lets take a little snippet of the little annoyance ... You up for that?"  I was like whatever ...

W. T. F!! 

So she went ahead and did ...

Curettage. During curettage, your doctor uses a long metal instrument with a loop on the end to scrape the inside walls of your uterus. This may be done to collect a specimen for lab testing or to remove a polyp. Your doctor may perform curettage with the assistance of a hysteroscope, which lets your doctor view the inside of your uterus before and after the procedure.

I was like FN really?  I was extremely surprised at how much it hurt.  I am by no means a baby when it comes to pain but wow!  Tears were streaming down my face.  I think I was just shocked at the extreme pain of it so quickly.

It was nuts!

So now all week I have had all this crazy shit going through my head like what if its the "C" word?  I mean aren't we all afraid of that word?  Then she mentioned the "H" word.  I am not ready or willing to have another operation.  I cannot afford to be down and out at all or miss time out of work.  I have been so blessed and fortunate with the WLS that maybe that would be punching my luck!

I dunno... I guess I will have to just wait until tomorrow to see what the deal is and what my options are.  

I will keep you posted!

Peace and love

-T

You love me ... You really love me! Lol!

Apparently I have fans!  And they are wondering where I am and why I am not posting!  It feels good to be loved.  I have been in a big funk lately with some health issues that may or may not be related to the WLS.  I will find out more on Wed morning and then will come home and post away, I promise!  So keep checking and stay tuned!
And thanks for the love!

Farts .... Yep ... Farts

Air biscuit. Cutting the cheese. Letting it rip.  Silent but deadly.  Passing gas. Stepping on a duck. Butt trumpet. Anal acoustics. Drooped a bomb.  Toot.  Breaking wind.

Did you know that the word fart is one of the oldest words in the English vocabulary?

No one wants to talk about it ... Everyone does it.

News flash: if you are on a high protein diet, you will have lots of gas.
After gastric bypass, you WILL have lots of gas.

There are no ifs, ands or "butts" about it.
(See what I did there? Lol!)

An unpublicized side effect of gastric bypass surgery is excessive flatulence and the offensive odor that comes with it.  It is understandable why we have highly malodorous flatus. The surgery causes us to have malabsorptive syndrome.  Our systems don't absorb the food and nutrients as well anymore and when the undigested food gets down to the colon, the enzymes and bacteria go crazy digesting the food. One of the by-products of their digestion is gas (flatulence). Most post surgery patients are desperate for a solution to this side effect, which actually causes embarrassment and most of these individuals have been dealing with embarrassment for most of their lives. The majority of these patients will try over- the -counter medications, only to be disappointed to find out they're ineffective and very costly.

There are "internal" deodorizer pills called Devrom.  There are panty liners that attach to the outside of your underwear that "neutralizes" your farts as the air goes through it.

But really?

I tried the pills and they seemed to work but you had to take them three times a day and for quite a few days.  And they were not too cheap.  I am already taking like eight different pills and/or supplements a day who wants one more pill?

So what do I do?

I fart.

Seriously I am at the point that I don't give a shit.  It hurts to hold it in.  It took me like 12 years before I farted in from of my husband.  But really, why?  He farted in front of me since day one!
After surgery .... It literally is so painful if you hold it in. So I have learned to be clever!

I know what foods really bring on the gas and if I know that I am going to be say....shopping inside for the day...hmmmm...I stay away from those foods.  

Last Friday I went to NYC with my daughters 7th grade class.  I am not sure what I ate the day before but man!  I was suffering on the bus ride there!  Lots of pain, bloating, terrible gas!  I had to hold it in!  I mean, come on, I haven't gotten that free yet.  Although a teeny one slipped out and thank goodness it had no odor! 

I know you are laughing right now!

But seriously!  It hurt so bad!  So when we got off the bus ... I walked away a bit from the crowd and let them rip!  I IMMEDIATELY felt 100% better.  But the gas came back in waves throughout the day.  One time I excused myself the the bathroom and twisted my body to and fro and that helped release a ton of pressure.

Then we were walking around NYC and let me tell you ..... NYC STINKS!  I mean it is offensively smelly!  It is crowded, noisy and oh so smelly!  But it's pretty awesome too!  Wanna know why?  Cause you can fart as loud as you want, whenever you want and no body FN cares!  Cause no one hears it and certainly no one smells it!  So I was in my glory all the rest of my day farting away and feeling good!  

The bus ride home was much more comfortable.

I know you are laughing right now ....

The point is this.  What's so wrong about farting?  Really?  I mean I am not saying I am going to go out and start dropping bombs everywhere but in my house, yard or as with NYC ... Where no one notices ... Who cares?  Lol!  It is as natural as burping!  And us post-op gastric bypass patients, it is absolutely MORE a part of our lives and it just HURTS to hold it in.  And if one slips out and someone hears or smells it, screw them!  Don't walk so damn close to me.  You don't know my journey ... Don't judge me!  Lol!

It is what it is folks. 

Just do it.

Cause I am celebrating me and I will be damned if I am gonna sit in pain.

Flatulenlty yours,

-T