Wretched wreck! **warning ...lots of girl talk!-**

So I am here at work ... Watching Golden Girls.
This morning at 8:45 I go and find out what the deal is with this whole female issue I have been having.  I started losing weight last year after I knew I was approved for surgery.  I lost about 25lbs before surgery.  I started having issues with my period during that time.  I had been bleeding about twice a month.  One of the times was for like 10 days straight, heavy bleeding.  I was worried that I would have my period on the day of surgery but the day before my bleeding stopped.  About a week after surgery it resumed and has been basically been going ever since.  I have had maybe a handful of times here and there with no bleeding.  What a downer!  So last month ... Enough was enough and I made an appointment with my midwife.  She said we would do a pap, HPV and some other test thingy that tested for bacteria and stuff.  The pap came back abnormal but the HPV was negative and the other one was negative.  But that was now two years in a row that the pap came back abnormal.  She said my cervix was EXTREMELY sensitive and started bleeding just by touching it with the swab.  She asked if I was in any pain.  I told her I was not.  And I really wasn't.  She was suspicious of polyps or fibroids and told me to go for a pelvic ultrasound and got me right in then and there.  They saw something in there they didn't like and I was to come back for a more involved test called a

Hysterosonography- During hysterosonography (his-tur-o-suh-NOG-ruh-fee), your doctor uses a thin, flexible tube (catheter) to inject salt water (saline) into the hollow part of your uterus. Using an ultrasound probe, your doctor obtains images of the inside of your uterus and checks for any irregularities.

Yay!  Sounds fun huh?

Then they use a

Hysteroscopy-During hysteroscopy, your doctor uses a thin, lighted instrument (hysteroscope) to view the inside of your uterus.

Come to find out it was/is a polyp about the size of a marble (the big one).

So while there, already uncomfortable, she is like "hey... Lets take a little snippet of the little annoyance ... You up for that?"  I was like whatever ...

W. T. F!! 

So she went ahead and did ...

Curettage. During curettage, your doctor uses a long metal instrument with a loop on the end to scrape the inside walls of your uterus. This may be done to collect a specimen for lab testing or to remove a polyp. Your doctor may perform curettage with the assistance of a hysteroscope, which lets your doctor view the inside of your uterus before and after the procedure.

I was like FN really?  I was extremely surprised at how much it hurt.  I am by no means a baby when it comes to pain but wow!  Tears were streaming down my face.  I think I was just shocked at the extreme pain of it so quickly.

It was nuts!

So now all week I have had all this crazy shit going through my head like what if its the "C" word?  I mean aren't we all afraid of that word?  Then she mentioned the "H" word.  I am not ready or willing to have another operation.  I cannot afford to be down and out at all or miss time out of work.  I have been so blessed and fortunate with the WLS that maybe that would be punching my luck!

I dunno... I guess I will have to just wait until tomorrow to see what the deal is and what my options are.  

I will keep you posted!

Peace and love

-T

You love me ... You really love me! Lol!

Apparently I have fans!  And they are wondering where I am and why I am not posting!  It feels good to be loved.  I have been in a big funk lately with some health issues that may or may not be related to the WLS.  I will find out more on Wed morning and then will come home and post away, I promise!  So keep checking and stay tuned!
And thanks for the love!

Farts .... Yep ... Farts

Air biscuit. Cutting the cheese. Letting it rip.  Silent but deadly.  Passing gas. Stepping on a duck. Butt trumpet. Anal acoustics. Drooped a bomb.  Toot.  Breaking wind.

Did you know that the word fart is one of the oldest words in the English vocabulary?

No one wants to talk about it ... Everyone does it.

News flash: if you are on a high protein diet, you will have lots of gas.
After gastric bypass, you WILL have lots of gas.

There are no ifs, ands or "butts" about it.
(See what I did there? Lol!)

An unpublicized side effect of gastric bypass surgery is excessive flatulence and the offensive odor that comes with it.  It is understandable why we have highly malodorous flatus. The surgery causes us to have malabsorptive syndrome.  Our systems don't absorb the food and nutrients as well anymore and when the undigested food gets down to the colon, the enzymes and bacteria go crazy digesting the food. One of the by-products of their digestion is gas (flatulence). Most post surgery patients are desperate for a solution to this side effect, which actually causes embarrassment and most of these individuals have been dealing with embarrassment for most of their lives. The majority of these patients will try over- the -counter medications, only to be disappointed to find out they're ineffective and very costly.

There are "internal" deodorizer pills called Devrom.  There are panty liners that attach to the outside of your underwear that "neutralizes" your farts as the air goes through it.

But really?

I tried the pills and they seemed to work but you had to take them three times a day and for quite a few days.  And they were not too cheap.  I am already taking like eight different pills and/or supplements a day who wants one more pill?

So what do I do?

I fart.

Seriously I am at the point that I don't give a shit.  It hurts to hold it in.  It took me like 12 years before I farted in from of my husband.  But really, why?  He farted in front of me since day one!
After surgery .... It literally is so painful if you hold it in. So I have learned to be clever!

I know what foods really bring on the gas and if I know that I am going to be say....shopping inside for the day...hmmmm...I stay away from those foods.  

Last Friday I went to NYC with my daughters 7th grade class.  I am not sure what I ate the day before but man!  I was suffering on the bus ride there!  Lots of pain, bloating, terrible gas!  I had to hold it in!  I mean, come on, I haven't gotten that free yet.  Although a teeny one slipped out and thank goodness it had no odor! 

I know you are laughing right now!

But seriously!  It hurt so bad!  So when we got off the bus ... I walked away a bit from the crowd and let them rip!  I IMMEDIATELY felt 100% better.  But the gas came back in waves throughout the day.  One time I excused myself the the bathroom and twisted my body to and fro and that helped release a ton of pressure.

Then we were walking around NYC and let me tell you ..... NYC STINKS!  I mean it is offensively smelly!  It is crowded, noisy and oh so smelly!  But it's pretty awesome too!  Wanna know why?  Cause you can fart as loud as you want, whenever you want and no body FN cares!  Cause no one hears it and certainly no one smells it!  So I was in my glory all the rest of my day farting away and feeling good!  

The bus ride home was much more comfortable.

I know you are laughing right now ....

The point is this.  What's so wrong about farting?  Really?  I mean I am not saying I am going to go out and start dropping bombs everywhere but in my house, yard or as with NYC ... Where no one notices ... Who cares?  Lol!  It is as natural as burping!  And us post-op gastric bypass patients, it is absolutely MORE a part of our lives and it just HURTS to hold it in.  And if one slips out and someone hears or smells it, screw them!  Don't walk so damn close to me.  You don't know my journey ... Don't judge me!  Lol!

It is what it is folks. 

Just do it.

Cause I am celebrating me and I will be damned if I am gonna sit in pain.

Flatulenlty yours,

-T

Down the rabbit hole....

Tami in ONE-derland!

• "down the rabbit hole", a metaphor for adventure into the unknown

That's where I am headed ... Into the unknown.

It has been 20 years since I have been in the 100's on a scale!  Say what?

I am wearing a pant size that I last wore in high school ... In 1992!  Say 

what again?

Yes ... It's hard to fathom really.  When did it all go wrong?  

I looked at a photo from high school the other day and my face is slowly starting to resemble that picture.  I never felt pretty then.  And never really felt pretty.  But looking back, I was pretty damn it. I wish I had taken pride in myself.  I was lucky to find the man who loves me unconditionally.  We have been together for 21 years and married for 17 of them.  He has always made me feel pretty.  Last spring I was topping at about 120 pounds more than when he first met me.  And he still loved me and never once said anything about my weight.  

It's amazing that this time last spring I was 80lbs heavier.  I went for the first ride of the season on the motorcycle last weekend.  It was nice hopping on the back and not feeling like the bike was working hard!  Lol!  I had lots of room between my belly and Tony's back.  I didn't feel like everyone was looking at me like I didn't belong on the back because I was too big.  It was amazing and felt good.

Everything from this point on feels new. Like an adventure ... Down the rabbit hole.  Into the unknown I go!  I just grew out of my size 18pants and the 16s are fitting just fine.  After the 16s I will be out of the clothes given to me by my friend.  I now only have 48 lbs to lose to get to my goal weight.  I am not sure how easy they will go.  I know things start to slow down at some point.  How small will I get?  If I get smaller than a size 14 I will completely be in uncharted territory because I cannot ever, ever remember being smaller than that at any point in my adulthood.  I think that may blow my mind if I hit a 12, 10 or below.  That would just be nuts! I cannot imagine even putting my bones in that size!  But I have seen pictures of people who were similar in size and weight get that small and it is amazing and apparently able to be achieved.  I am excited to see what happens and continue to be excited about being healthy and learning what I can do with this tool I have been blessed with.  

Sometimes when I walk by a mirror I have to stop and wonder who that chick is staring back at me.  

I still see myself one way and the mirror shows me something else.  I have had some people tell me recently how my face looks so different like a totally different person.  I don't want people to think I am different though.  I am still the same whackadoodle I always was!  Lol!  

That's why I started this blog.  I want to be able to read my journey and write down the things I am feeling and the experiences I am having throughout this whole journey.

On Friday I am traveling to NYC with my daughters 7th grade class.  I am not nervous about fitting comfortably on the bus.  I am not worried about all the walking we are going to be doing.  I am not concerned about her friends thinking I am a fat mom.  I am not going to shy from taking pictures of me and my daughter on the trip!  I am so excited and happy to be experiencing this with her and last year I am not sure I would have been.

So here's to going down the rabbit hole ... And taking you along with me!

See you there!

Peace

-T

Feeling good!

The past few days various people have finally started noticing my weight loss!
I feel good!  Today my tummy is a wee bit cranky so I have been on mostly liquids all day.
But it is not bothering me.
But I was out in the sun, on a blanket, reading.
That was awesome!
My size 18pants are getting baggy on me and I am fitting in a few of the 16s.
I am amazed!
Yesterday the DH said I looked slim in a shirt I had on!  (Which I could barely squeeze into last year!)
YES!
I am posting my new favorite picture from this weekend.
I think we look awesome ....ok ...especially ME!  Lol!

And one of me kissing my boy! My face looks so much thinner!

Changes and surprises ... Keeping you in the know

Well I am eight weeks out.  I am going to share with you some things that I have noticed this far out.

* If I stand up and look down and squeeze my belly in, I can see my toes!
* I can paint my toes without cramping up my diaphragm
* I can wrap an average sized bath towel around my whole body after a shower
* I can reach back and scratch the MIDDLE of my own back!
* I can jog almost 1/3 of a mile without stopping or wanting/having to stop
* I can cross my legs comfortably without having to hold my leg there
* I can put both arms on the middle of my back and crack it!
* I actually skipped up the stairs the other day
* I don't avoid bending down to pick things up off the floor
* Back pain has been at a minimum
* Pelvic pain is almost non existent
* I can sit with my knee/s almost up to my chest
* I have packed up bags and bags of clothes that no longer fit me
* I have a ton of energy
* I am finding that I do no need my CPAP as much.  I still use it for most of my sleep but I can nap without it and feel refreshed.  But for long term sleeping I still always use it
* The awful gas has subsided and I am on a great high protein intake schedule with food and drink (plus I have a great schedule down for all my vitamins and supplements, scripts as well)
*Feeling more motivated to be out and about ... and when YOU are out and about ... you will need lots of new gym bags and travel bags cause you are gonna wanna GO GO GO!  SO check out my website! 
www.mythirtyone.com/tward  SPRING FLING going on NOW!  Ends April 29th!  So if you see something you like there ... order it under Spring Fling under "my parties"  I will deliver if you are local, RI!
**Shameless advertising, SOrry!** LOL!!

Some things not as pleasant
* Noticing LOTS of sagging skin and not just in the places I thought.  In places I didn't really consider myself really "fat" before.  For instance, my arms and inner thighs.
* Kinda noticing a "chicken neck" saggy thing going on where my double chin was but I know that will tighten up
* My poop is just not the same (TMI BUT HEY I am being real here) since surgery
* My periods are SO heavy since surgery like the worst ever!  (Again, TMI probably but again ... Keeping it real and trying to inform!) I see the OBGYN today!
**Update:  I have to go for a pelvic ultrasound to see why I have been having such heavy periods.  She suspects maybe polyps?  I will keep you updated!
* My hair has started falling out a bit, not clumps like some have experienced, but definitely lots in the shower and after drying and styling my hair
*DRY SKIN ... like dry like the Sahara!  BUT I have found Avon's Thermalift facial cream and the ANEW under eye cream to work wonders!  If you do not have an Avon girl, contact mine!  Here is her information! 
http://amandawhiting.avonrepresentative.com/

Here are some things I didn't expect

I have to be honest with you, I didn't expect the extra money that would come with the surgery.  First, just because the surgery is covered by your insurance does not mean it is free.  Check with your insurance company about your deductible.  So you don't have a nervous breakdown like I almost did with a call three days before saying that you will owe $845 ... I was thinking BEFORE they would do the surgery.  Turns out they will bill you, but still!  So I have THAT bill.  And I was like okay whatever.  But then after surgery I got another bill from the two anesthesiologists.  THAT bill is about $950.  So I am in for almost $2000 that I will have to pay out of pocket.  I am sure I can go on a payment plan but still .... Unexpected.  Then there's the protein powders.  If you find one you like you are gonna want it.  The one I LOVE is kinda pricey.  Then there's the prescriptions for the first six months (for acid reflux and gall stone prevention one).  Then there's the multivitamin (you can't cheap out on these ya gotta be sure you are getting all you need), the calcium chews/tabs, the B12 tabs.  Then there's the new clothes you are gonna need if you are not blessed as I was to have a good friend give you a bunch. Cause when you are losing weight and feelings good, who the hell wants to hang around in frumpy clothes?  Savers had been a LIFE saver as well as my good friend, Nancy!  Thank heavens!  She gave me SO many awesome clothes!  She lost weight on Weight Watchers and is looking and doing fabulous!  Thanks girl!

Soon I will need to do some underwear and bra shopping.  PLUS I will need a new bathing suit for summer!  Oh boy!

So all these little things add up.  Just an FYI.  
Keeping you informed! 
Peace!
Here is a picture of me recently!
Not the greatest ... the wind was whipping my hair back and forth! LOL!
The pants are an 18 and shirt an 18/20!  Not been that size for QUITE some time!
Not too shabby for eight weeks out!

The ugly

I wrote this below a few nights ago ... I wasn't going to post it.  It was sitting there as a draft.  Ya know what?  I am posting it.  I feel much better then when I wrote this and I think it's important to share as others may be feeling this way and maybe it will make them feel not so alone.  I promised to always be honest.  So, dear readers, I am in a better place today.  Carry on
-T


I feel frustrated tonight.  Well the past day or so really.  I feel like cognitively I have not grasped the concept of the finality of what goes on inside my body.  I will NEVER be able to eat like I used to.  Ever.  My insides will always be different than most.  My stomach sliced, intestines re-routed.  Every time I eat, I think about it.  Will this be ok?  Will I get sick?  Why are my insides making that awful sound?  Why am I so gassy?  How much protein did I have today?  Did I take all my vitamins/meds? Did I drink enough water?
I feel worn out and tired of thinking about it.  Fucking exhausted actually.  I think now more about food and what goes into my body then I ever have!  I am sick of it.

I feel like when I see all the stories of people going from a size whatever to a super small size I cannot even fathom my bones alone fitting into that size.  But I have seen pictures!  Of women who were BIGGER than me to start and they are in a size 4 pants!  Say what!?  I am not sure if you stripped all the fat and skin off my bones that my pelvis alone would fit into a 4 pants!  As an adult I have never been smaller than a size 14.   How will I get there?  How long will it take?  Is it even possible?!

I am not patient.  I am bitchy today and I am roaring.  Lots of stuff in my head.  No regrets ...just a LOT of frustration!