The day the boy became a man

Today my baby boy turns eighteen

.
When I look back at all the years I can actually remember saying ...
"I cannot wait until he sits up on his own"
"I cannot wait until he can hold his own bottle"
"I cannot wait until he can dress himself"
"I cannot wait until he goes to school"
"I cannot wait ....."
Now .... I CAN wait.  Time needs to just WAIT.
Before I knew it he was tall, his voice was changing, he got his permit to drive, he is off with friends ... making stupid teenage decisions.
But this is how life goes.
But with this noodle ... it is different.
Not only is he my first but he has Autism.  He does not really understand how the world works.  How cruel people can be.  He is still really a boy in a six foot+ body of a man.  I would rate his maturity about 12-13 years old.  He still cries (I don't mean cry like cause something is really sad) but cries and cries about things.  Of course boys can cry but by the time you are eighteen you usually have some control over WHEN you need to cry over somethings.
He thinks everyone is his friend.  He thinks he has to do stupid things to get people to be his friends.  We try to make him understand that he is an adult now and people will "SEE" him as an adult and not an adult with special needs.  But he DOES have special needs.
My mother thinks I shelter him too much and I think she gives him TOO much freedom.
It's painful to see that line.
My heart aches for him and celebrates for him at the same time.  I miss snuggling that baby (whether he liked it or not WHICH he did NOT like to snuggle)
I wish all the best for him.  I want him to be happy.  I want the world to see how awesome he is.  I want the world to see how much he can offer.
Oh heck ... I just want him to be happy.  Have friends, a girlfriend ... that's all he desperately wants.
And I want that for him.
Its a happy and sad day.  I feel like there is so much I missed out on.  So much I could have taught him that I just didn't.  We get so wrapped up in our daily lives with what we THINK is important.
These kids are important.
I hope if nothing else we have taught him love.  And I think we have.
Hmmmm .... I wonder if he would snuggle with me right now on his birthday?
I am going to go try!