The Big Break

SO I decided to take a big break from Facebook.
And I kinda liked it.
Really ... I realized I was spending WAY too much time "liking" shit and looking at everything on Facebook.  Like A LOT of time.  So I decided to take a break.
I like sharing things.  I like looking at things people share.
But I also found myself getting sucked into drama, getting mad about things I shouldn't even care about and generally just spending too much time and energy on nonsense on there.
Besides ... who really gives a shit about me anyway?
Well then ... out to lunch with the BFF and the youngest spawn and they decided to #bringtamiback ... okay now THAT was funny.  I did check in every so often and see people's celebrations of their holidays and stuff.  That was nice .. but I would look at the ones I cared about and moved on.
I said I would be back after the first of the year and I will but really ... I have important things to do OTHER than Facebook.  I have a house to organize (one of my HUGE goals for 2015) and school to finish.  I have two teenagers that need more work than when they did as toddlers ... (sorry folks of toddlers ... it just gets harder!)  NOW is the time they are realizing they are PEOPLE and INDIVIDUALS and discovering who they are and that is scary and hard and they need their mom.
Just wiping their asses, feeding them and teaching them to talk and walk and manners ...well THAT was the EASY part.  Helping and guiding them to become actual productive, tolerant, respectful, well adjusted human beings to go out into the real world ... THAT is hard.

UGH! School.  I am in the final stretch and I have to say I am pretty fucking nervous.  One more semester and I will have a BACHELORS in PSYCHOLOGY!  WHAAAAAT? I just cannot believe it sometimes.  It kinda blows my mind.
The way it worked out (because my adviser at the beginning of this RIC and finishing up my Bachelors expedition ill advised me) I will be able to walk in May but will still have to take two more classes (to be taken as summer courses) and then will "officially" get my degree in August.  But shit ... walking in May ... I consider THAT a HUGE deal.
During the "break" I had a great time but also some low times.

Highlights:
Finished the semester with THREE Bs.  MOST proud of my B in statistics and the professor telling me personally how proud she was of me
Traveled to Buffalo to see my baby cuz and clan and surprised her by bringing my other cuz (her sister) and her son to surprise her
Being able to get my kids the gifts they wanted without the worry of money
Resting and relaxing AT HOME with just the hubby and the kids for the first time EVER on Christmas Day!
Only gaining two pounds! LOL so far over vacation and holidays
Giving a homeless guy in Boston our leftovers from dinner! and Hunter saying as we walked away "Mom ... that was pretty awesome what you did right there"

Downlights:
Struggling with some major SAD
Realizing that my depression meds are NOT working to their full potential (due to gastric bypass or just general "they are just not working anymore" issues)
Kid stuff (mostly the youngest ... its tough being a teenage girl ... I know)
Realizing that I will have to actually put my degree to WORK and go out into the big bad world which brings its own HUGE amount of stress and anxiety (did I mention my meds do not work as effectively any more? LOL)

But when I look back at the last three years.  The major motorcycle accident, the gastric bypass surgery and the major back surgery this last March ... I have come a long way.
I am proud of what I have accomplished as a mom, a wife, a friend, an all around strong woman and hope to better myself in the next year.
I feel I have matured IMMENSELY on quite a few levels in the past three years, either due to life's events or age or whatever but I know I can DO better and look forward to growing as a person!

I hope you ALL are safe tonight and I cherish you all!
Peace be with you and your family.
Love,
T

Christmas Day 2014

This Christmas was the first Christmas I have spent the whole entire Christmas Day in my own home with my husband and kids, having made my own Christmas dinner and relaxed and enjoyed my nuclear family in 23 years.  I thought that was pretty special. Twenty-three years ...wow. 

And the picture below is my dream Christmas one day. An old farm style country home Christmas.  

Stay tuned.  We have a plan! 

Merry Christmas and may all that you hold dear be cherished. New year ahead.  2015 ... Lots going on! 

I cannot wait!

The Art and Importance of a Selfie

In a relatively short time, selfies have become our culture's collective visual diary. Currently, the hashtag #selfie yields more than 31 million hits on Instagram, and the Oxford Dictionaries selected selfie as the Word of the Year for 2013. Even President Barack Obama was photographed last week taking a selfie at Nelson Mandela's memorial service. Clearly, we're in the midst of a self-portrait renaissance.

We all know what a selfie is and how to do it.  And those of you who do not.... Come on people ...crawl out of your hole and start snapping!

Selfies in the bathroom, kitchen, on the farm, on a roller coaster, in the mirror .... Posing, flirting, crying, smiling ....
We have seen them all. 
And they annoy the SHIT OUT OF SOME PEOPLE. but I want to know why?
I love a good selfie.  And I will not and do not take selfies only when I look cute.  I do it when I want to. Sleepy selfies, morning breath selfies, sleeping and lounging with the dog selfies and bad morning hair selfies!
I like to see in form how I am feeling, how I look making funny faces, how the goofball dog turns away when I am trying to kiss her face while taking a selfie.  It's just plain fun.

Hey ya know what ...there's a button on Facebook and it's called "unfollow" where you don't HAVE TO SEE MY MUG first thing in the morning if you don't want to.  I will not be offended ...in fact ...here's the kicker ... I won't even know! It's different than "unfriend". Once you unfollow someone 
They no longer come up in your feed every freaking time they post something.  So now you have to 
actually actively go to their page to see what the hell they are up to and how many freaking selfies they took today if you wanted too.

But here's the thing because I am a Psychology student and well my brain works like this! Why DO people get so worked up and sometimes even like pissed at people who post selfies? Are YOU that 
unhappy/jealous/envious/insecure that you cannot see someone having fun at taking pictures of themselves? 
Why do people think it's selfish or narcissistic? 
Someone cannot enjoy looking at themselves?
Scientists and psychologist are actually exploring the effect these selfies have on us.  
Are they good or bad?


I mean anything can be good or bad for us.
Some think it's turning us into a nation of narcissists, but psychologists say that in moderation, selfies are a feel-good and often creative way, particularly for teens, to chronicle their lives and emotions and express their personalities. And people who post selfies assert that they can have an effect on their moods and self-esteem.

I feel creative and happy when I am photographing things and yes now that includes myself.  Believe me I WAS the queen of selfies before some of these kids were a thought in their parents bedroom! I KNOW if I develop the rolls and rolls of film from ages ago I have in a box in my closet upstairs ...LOTS of them would be of myself.
So what has changed?
Technology! I have am awesome camera at the tip of my fingers! This wee iPhone camera can take some pretty bad ass pictures! 
And everyone is in everyone's else business! 
AND now we can get instant gratification cause come on we ALL love THAT! 
Let's face it ....the selfies are here.  Embrace it people. Love yourself ...but not too much it IS a balance after all. 
And if "I" am loving myself too much for you ...yep ...there's that concept of that button on FB again ....freaking use it ....

NOW ....ITS TIME FOR A SELFIE! 

http://flipagram.com/f/Ir5mhKGiWR

Hunter ... Our little enigma!

Every Year I post this on my FB.  Some of you may not have seen it there but being April which is Autism Awareness Month ... I thought I would post it here on my blog as well.

Hunter ... our little enigma! :)

 

 

 
 
 

 

 

 

Today is Autism Awareness month and

I celebrate my son, Hunter, who has Asperger's Disorder. For those of you who know me well, know Hunter and what a beautiful boy he is inside and out. Some know how I struggle on a daily basis and others don't. It is hard seeing your child struggle with things daily that seem so trivial to most of us. Just starting and continuing a conversation with his peers is a battle he has to face daily. A battle you say? Yes ... a conversation may seem so easy for most of us. We banter back and forth but did you ever really think about how a conversation works. One has to either start it or answer to one that has started. You have to read cues in the other person's face, eyes, body to see what they are trying to communicate as well as listen and recognize the idiosyncratic of their voice and choice of words they use so you can respond appropriately. Then you have to counter speak in a way that is understandable to them and so on and so forth. Not so easy when you think of it that way. Now imagine you are in a box where everything is muffled and conversations and uses of metaphors, idioms and figures of speech come into play where you take everything literally. Hmmmm ... more complex then you though huh? And that is just one of the issues that makes having Asperger's so hard. And being a pre-teen boy on top of that. Well ...

For those of you who don't know, Asperger's Disorder is a developmental disorder that affects a child's ability to socialize and communicate effectively with others. Children with Asperger's syndrome typically exhibit social awkwardness and an all-absorbing interest in specific topics.
The obsessive routines. The preoccupation with one subject of interest (to the exclusion of most everything else). The problems they face understanding different social situations. The oversensitivity to sounds, tastes, smells and sights. Their feelings of being overwhelmed by even the smallest of changes…
The pressure I face daily are the inability to communicate with my child, the awkwardness I feel in social situations, the pressure it puts on my relationships with other members of my family, and the desperate desire to try anything – in amongst a sea of physical and emotional exhaustion - to ensure Hunter is able to enjoy the best that life can offer – even if it’s on his terms.
It can be VERY frustrating having a child with Aspergers. The hardest part is I feel like I’ll never actually get to know my child and how they see the world in the same way other parents do.
But Hunter brings me joy in other ways. When he just comes up and hugs me and says "I love you mom" something he does randomly. (and not just when he is in trouble) How he seems to see things in a way no one else does. How I am glad he does not fit into society's little tight box and how he refuses to be anything but his true self. He makes me proud to be his mom and the day to day struggles he faces he faces with dignity and strength. Not all the time but mostly and how he is accepting of the fact he is different and how he just has to learn to cope and deal and make it work for him. I am proud of how far he has come and what he has achieved the past few years.
Today I celebrate Hunter Irving Ward. And I celebrate the boy he is, the man he will become and how I am proud to be his mom.

 

The American Dream: And NOT feeling ashamed of it!

I have this psychology class that I am taking called Psychology of Human Diversity.  Awesome class.  On Tuesday my professor was talking about how he is living the American dream and how proud he is of how hard he worked to get there.  And how some may see it is arrogant.  I see this a lot.  People mistaking your being proud of your hard work and accomplishments as arrogance or boasting.
First we are told to study hard, work hard to achieve the American dream and then when we get there we get criticized for seeming arrogant, cocky and condescending when we achieve it?  When the professor was talking about what he did to get where he was I was A. exhausted just from listening  to how hard he worked B. admired how he did it and still being so young and having a family C. happy to see him take pride in his accomplishments
BUT I can see how some would be taken aback by his confidence.  I can see how SOME could mistake his being so proud of how far he has come and how successful he is as arrogance. 

But I say screw them anyway.

Then I got to thinking about what IS the American Dream? 
It is different for everyone.

For me ... I will be honest ... it was old fashioned "fall in love with my soul mate, get married, have a beautiful wedding, have a healthy baby boy and a girl  and have my own home, couple of pups
 and not have to work"  LOL! (on that last part)  As in stay home with my children while they grew.

And the huz has a saying that he says lovingly (and sometimes not so much LOL)
"America's good to you kid!"
And he is right.  100% absolutely right.
but not without us working hard TOGETHER.
I did those things.  I was the first one to graduate high school in my family.  The first one to go to college and get a degree.  I met the love of my life in 1992 and had a gorgeous wedding with a beautiful dress! Soon after had a bouncing (and boy do I mean BOUNCING) baby boy and then was followed by a good ol' sugar and spice little baby girl.  Both beautiful and healthy!  We bought a home in 2001.  And I was able to stay home with my children until last year when I went to work "officially".  During the years home with my children I would baby-sit other children in my home to supplement my income here and there.  I have been truly blessed. 
AND I am TRULY blessed. 
But all that did not come without sacrifice.  I hate it when people say "You are so lucky to have gotten to stay home with your kids" 
Working moms looked down on me. 
Walked away from me on the play ground when they found out I got to "do this every day" (ya know, play and do NOTHING cause being a stay at home mom is SOOOOO easy) and they had to go back to work tomorrow because this was just their day off. One time a woman who had a dispute with me over something stupid, found out during the argument that I was a stay at home mom and she was a working mom, she said to me as part of the ending of her ignorant argument "Why don't you just go get a job like the rest of us?"
 Me staying home with the kids meant ... no eating out, no trips out to the movies with the kids, no family vacations (we only JUST took one as a family to Niagara Falls this past fall my children are 16 and 13) It meant sometimes the huz working full-time, part-time AND school part-time.  And seeing him very little.  And hard on him because he didn't see the kids grow up as much as I did.
It meant small holidays, hand me downs and sometimes weeks of macaroni and cheese, grilled cheese, cereal or pasta for dinner.  It meant no extra driving anywhere. It meant driving clunkers of cars and back in the day when insurance was not mandatory, driving without it.  It meant small grocery bills and keeping the heat down low and the lights off as much as possible. It meant not paying one bill because another bill was more important.  It meant sacrifice. 
LUCK had nothing to do with it.
It was all about choices. And we made them and made it through.
It was hard work.  It was worth it.  And I would do it ALL again.
All of our choices have paid off.  The huz has a great job.  He is happy in his job and makes the big bucks for all his hard work and dedication.
HIS hard work has paid off. 
I have two still healthy, smart, creative, intelligent and compassionate and tolerant children.  Hunter's Autism has made things tricky over the years but it just has made us stronger as a family.
I got to see them say their first word, their first step, etc.
Now I am going for my Bachelor's in Psychology and going to kick ass and take names in a field I have ALWAYS loved.
Because I AM living MY American Dream.
Everyone's dream is different.  I am proud of what I have accomplished together with my husband.  we did it ourselves.  We worked hard and still work hard and our children see that every day.  And I tell everyone who wants to know how blessed I am and how hard I have worked to get what we have.  We still have a bit more to get to where we REALLY want to be but for the most part "America's been good to us"  :)

So what is YOUR American Dream?  Are you working hard to get there?

And professor .... You do your thing, man ... and walk the walk and talk the talk!
It does not matter what others think or how we come off.
Cause you deserve it and so do I!
Peace
~T

The family on our first "family" vacation in Fall of 2013

 

 

 

 

  little house by the sea!

 

Oh yeah!

So I contacted a company called Oh Yeah!.... they are the most delicious protein bars I have ever tasted. Now you all know I recently put one up a post for the Quest company and I love them too and Quest did a fantastic job of sending me a boatload of stuff and I appreciate that. They DID send me MORE  than Oh Yeah! did.

But Oh Yeah! was my very first protein product that I tried after weight-loss surgery and it is by far the yummiest of bars.  I actually would have to say that they both are pretty equal I just think  the Oh Yeah! buys are a little lighter and a little easier to eat at one particular time. The Quest bars tend to be a bit more dense and I am only able to eat half and then eat the other half later on the day which is fine. There are pros and cons to both companies but I have to say of all the protein companies on the market these two are the only ones that I will eat. They are a little pricey but well worth it. 

Call them or email them and ask them for samples. Most of the time they will be delighted to send you samples to try out. They probably sent me a little more than they usually would send the normal person because I did mention that I would be mentioning them on my blog. My blog is for the weight-loss community to see and experience things about my journey that are making my experience a little better.

These two companies by far are the tastiest as far as the protein bars the smoothest as far as the protein powder and by far the yummiest in overall taste.

So thank you Oh Yeah you made my day all!

OH YEAH!

-t

Quest is the best!!

So I wrote to Quest about my whole journey!  Look at the abundant of stuff they sent!  They are really yummy!  If you are a bariatric patient ...or not....try this product!  Plus they are SUPER nice people to deal with!  Awesome nutrition!