When life give you lemons ...

Don't make lemonade.  Too mundane.
Smash those yellow bastards.  Slam them on the ground.  Stomp on them.  Squish them.  Throw them at someone!  LOL
Seriously though, I hate that saying.  When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.  I fucking hate lemonade anyway. 
Sometimes I just do not feel like making the most of things. Sometimes I feel like giving up, throwing in the towel.  No one validates those feelings and it is too bad.
Because we all feel that way sometimes; like enough is enough and something has got to give.
Throw me a bone, universe, will ya?
It would be nice sometimes to just have someone say "Ya know what?  What you are going through totally sucks and your plate is SO full.  I see that and I hear you.  So cry a little.  Scream, kick and yell and do not stop until you are ready.  I am here for you no matter what.  You do not have to make fucking lemonade"

This blog is my form of getting things out there for the universe.  I know I am not unique in some of the experiences I have dealing with my own depression/anxiety.  I know there are challenges people face that are MUCH worse than my own.  But when you are in your own thick of things you do not think that way and that does not make your struggle any less meaningful or valid. 
Everyone has their own shit to deal with.  Sometimes you can fight it like a warrior and sometimes you are like ... ugh ... I just CANNOT one MORE minute.
I feel great when I am crushing life and getting all the adult things done.  By this I would mean taking care of myself (making sure I eat pretty decent, take my meds, and do some things during the day/week that make me happy), making sure my family is taken care of, taking care of my friends (cultivating relationships that are important and meaningful to me and my heart), kicking ass at job and school and making sure my bills get paid.
When I am not crushing life I am sleeping, eating like poo, sleeping and more sleeping. 
When those times come it is okay and I accept them.  And those who know me and love me see them coming, see when there are there and know to leave me be and/or ask how I am doing and do not take things personally because it is never about them.
I have to say that I am fed up with the lack of patience, empathy, and kindness going around today.
I see people yelling in traffic, sighing at people in line in stores.  People dragging their kids around by their wrists like sacks of potatoes, not taking the time to bend down and talk to them or pick them up and carry them.
I do not want to hear that life goes by too fast and you cannot find the time.  It is ALWAYS a good time to be kind.  It may come harder on some days than others but believe me it is possible.  I practice every day to try to take a breath and think "Is it kind?  Is it respectful?  Is is necessary?"
LITERALLY my mantra.  If everyone would just take one second before responding to a situation and think ...
Kindness.
Relevance.
Tolerance.
Patience.
Hey, I am not perfect ... far from it but through practice and patience, I have learned over the past 5-10 years or so that it expends a HELL of a lot of energy being an asshole and no less being kind and compassionate to those around you.
So why not choose the latter.
Try it.  One small change a day.  
That is it for today folks.  My schoolwork is kicking my ass lately and I gotta get back to it.
Know I am thinking of you all always and in all ways.
t