Farts .... Yep ... Farts

Air biscuit. Cutting the cheese. Letting it rip.  Silent but deadly.  Passing gas. Stepping on a duck. Butt trumpet. Anal acoustics. Drooped a bomb.  Toot.  Breaking wind.

Did you know that the word fart is one of the oldest words in the English vocabulary?

No one wants to talk about it ... Everyone does it.

News flash: if you are on a high protein diet, you will have lots of gas.
After gastric bypass, you WILL have lots of gas.

There are no ifs, ands or "butts" about it.
(See what I did there? Lol!)

An unpublicized side effect of gastric bypass surgery is excessive flatulence and the offensive odor that comes with it.  It is understandable why we have highly malodorous flatus. The surgery causes us to have malabsorptive syndrome.  Our systems don't absorb the food and nutrients as well anymore and when the undigested food gets down to the colon, the enzymes and bacteria go crazy digesting the food. One of the by-products of their digestion is gas (flatulence). Most post surgery patients are desperate for a solution to this side effect, which actually causes embarrassment and most of these individuals have been dealing with embarrassment for most of their lives. The majority of these patients will try over- the -counter medications, only to be disappointed to find out they're ineffective and very costly.

There are "internal" deodorizer pills called Devrom.  There are panty liners that attach to the outside of your underwear that "neutralizes" your farts as the air goes through it.

But really?

I tried the pills and they seemed to work but you had to take them three times a day and for quite a few days.  And they were not too cheap.  I am already taking like eight different pills and/or supplements a day who wants one more pill?

So what do I do?

I fart.

Seriously I am at the point that I don't give a shit.  It hurts to hold it in.  It took me like 12 years before I farted in from of my husband.  But really, why?  He farted in front of me since day one!
After surgery .... It literally is so painful if you hold it in. So I have learned to be clever!

I know what foods really bring on the gas and if I know that I am going to be say....shopping inside for the day...hmmmm...I stay away from those foods.  

Last Friday I went to NYC with my daughters 7th grade class.  I am not sure what I ate the day before but man!  I was suffering on the bus ride there!  Lots of pain, bloating, terrible gas!  I had to hold it in!  I mean, come on, I haven't gotten that free yet.  Although a teeny one slipped out and thank goodness it had no odor! 

I know you are laughing right now!

But seriously!  It hurt so bad!  So when we got off the bus ... I walked away a bit from the crowd and let them rip!  I IMMEDIATELY felt 100% better.  But the gas came back in waves throughout the day.  One time I excused myself the the bathroom and twisted my body to and fro and that helped release a ton of pressure.

Then we were walking around NYC and let me tell you ..... NYC STINKS!  I mean it is offensively smelly!  It is crowded, noisy and oh so smelly!  But it's pretty awesome too!  Wanna know why?  Cause you can fart as loud as you want, whenever you want and no body FN cares!  Cause no one hears it and certainly no one smells it!  So I was in my glory all the rest of my day farting away and feeling good!  

The bus ride home was much more comfortable.

I know you are laughing right now ....

The point is this.  What's so wrong about farting?  Really?  I mean I am not saying I am going to go out and start dropping bombs everywhere but in my house, yard or as with NYC ... Where no one notices ... Who cares?  Lol!  It is as natural as burping!  And us post-op gastric bypass patients, it is absolutely MORE a part of our lives and it just HURTS to hold it in.  And if one slips out and someone hears or smells it, screw them!  Don't walk so damn close to me.  You don't know my journey ... Don't judge me!  Lol!

It is what it is folks. 

Just do it.

Cause I am celebrating me and I will be damned if I am gonna sit in pain.

Flatulenlty yours,

-T

Down the rabbit hole....

Tami in ONE-derland!

• "down the rabbit hole", a metaphor for adventure into the unknown

That's where I am headed ... Into the unknown.

It has been 20 years since I have been in the 100's on a scale!  Say what?

I am wearing a pant size that I last wore in high school ... In 1992!  Say 

what again?

Yes ... It's hard to fathom really.  When did it all go wrong?  

I looked at a photo from high school the other day and my face is slowly starting to resemble that picture.  I never felt pretty then.  And never really felt pretty.  But looking back, I was pretty damn it. I wish I had taken pride in myself.  I was lucky to find the man who loves me unconditionally.  We have been together for 21 years and married for 17 of them.  He has always made me feel pretty.  Last spring I was topping at about 120 pounds more than when he first met me.  And he still loved me and never once said anything about my weight.  

It's amazing that this time last spring I was 80lbs heavier.  I went for the first ride of the season on the motorcycle last weekend.  It was nice hopping on the back and not feeling like the bike was working hard!  Lol!  I had lots of room between my belly and Tony's back.  I didn't feel like everyone was looking at me like I didn't belong on the back because I was too big.  It was amazing and felt good.

Everything from this point on feels new. Like an adventure ... Down the rabbit hole.  Into the unknown I go!  I just grew out of my size 18pants and the 16s are fitting just fine.  After the 16s I will be out of the clothes given to me by my friend.  I now only have 48 lbs to lose to get to my goal weight.  I am not sure how easy they will go.  I know things start to slow down at some point.  How small will I get?  If I get smaller than a size 14 I will completely be in uncharted territory because I cannot ever, ever remember being smaller than that at any point in my adulthood.  I think that may blow my mind if I hit a 12, 10 or below.  That would just be nuts! I cannot imagine even putting my bones in that size!  But I have seen pictures of people who were similar in size and weight get that small and it is amazing and apparently able to be achieved.  I am excited to see what happens and continue to be excited about being healthy and learning what I can do with this tool I have been blessed with.  

Sometimes when I walk by a mirror I have to stop and wonder who that chick is staring back at me.  

I still see myself one way and the mirror shows me something else.  I have had some people tell me recently how my face looks so different like a totally different person.  I don't want people to think I am different though.  I am still the same whackadoodle I always was!  Lol!  

That's why I started this blog.  I want to be able to read my journey and write down the things I am feeling and the experiences I am having throughout this whole journey.

On Friday I am traveling to NYC with my daughters 7th grade class.  I am not nervous about fitting comfortably on the bus.  I am not worried about all the walking we are going to be doing.  I am not concerned about her friends thinking I am a fat mom.  I am not going to shy from taking pictures of me and my daughter on the trip!  I am so excited and happy to be experiencing this with her and last year I am not sure I would have been.

So here's to going down the rabbit hole ... And taking you along with me!

See you there!

Peace

-T